When leaving, do not turn off the lights! (part 1)
– Mom, do not turn off the light! “You know, I’m tired of your tricks.” You are already big – you’ll go to school. Well, what are you afraid of? – What if you leave and Baba Yaga appears … – What Baba Yaga? It’s time to know that she only happens in fairy tales. OK, lets see. No under the bed. No in the closet. No behind the curtain. Where else? Sleep. We are all at home. – Mom, do not turn off the light! Does this dialogue remind you of anything? I think yes. Many parents are familiar with children’s fears from the experience of their children, as well as from their own, children’s, half-forgotten, or, conversely, quite alive. What are these fears? Darkness, thunderstorms, heights, war, fire, Baba Yaga, Kashchei, Barmaleya, angry dog, aliens, robbers, monsters, germs, vaccinations, fear of being lost in an unfamiliar place, going down and going up in the elevator, staying home alone. The list goes on. Where do the fears come from? As a rule, they are experienced by impressionable, disturbing, easily injured children’s natures, shocked by the unexpected face-to-face encounter with the hostility and insidious danger of the surrounding world. We, adults, for the time being are for the child his only and reliable protection. But if the closest ones, mom and dad, are too demanding, eternally preoccupied with their own affairs, not generous with warmth and affection or, conversely, overly restless, suspicious, painfully attached to the child, their protective role is noticeably weakened. In the first case, they themselves sometimes impracticable requirements, the severity of punishment, mental coldness begin to pose a known threat. In the second – their constant unrest, indefatigable custody only emphasize the hostility of the surrounding reality and give rise to children’s insecurity in their own abilities. “Have you wet your feet again ?! Immediately change clothes, drink hot milk, climb into bed and put a thermometer. We won’t go for a walk anymore! ”If such a trifle as wet feet causes mother’s panic and such drastic measures, then the child is a weak creature with fragile health, danger lurks him everywhere, and life is an extremely unreliable thing. Frankly speaking, sometimes children’s fear is even convenient for parents: “Stop making faces, I’ll leave you alone here and leave”, “Do you know what happens to naughty children?”, “Do not touch the dog – it will bite!”. It is interesting to note that children’s fears often repeat children’s fears of their parents. Sometimes, some carelessness is based on this: “It will grow, everything will pass!” But there is no guarantee that fear will not give rise to difficulties of character, kinks of fate, and will not manifest itself with renewed vigor among grandchildren, in the end. You should pay attention to children’s fears even before you feel your own helplessness before their persistence and the need to consult a specialist. What do parents usually do? Most often, they begin to convince the child of the senselessness and groundlessness of his fears: “Baba Yaga does not happen,” “Do not be afraid of the dark – there is nobody there.” But the logic of the child is different, it is rather the logic of myth, fairy tales, dreams, where the impossible is possible and the unconnected is connected. This touches us in children’s statements, but also makes our evidence useless. In fact, the child in his own language informs us of a meeting with real dangers that occur in our world. For children’s fears of the dark, an empty apartment, Baba Yaga, etc. there is a fear of loneliness, loss, death, evil. Who will deny their formidable power? But in response to these challenges of fate, each person, both small and large, can choose the path of fear or the path of courageously overcoming it. In essence, our task is to help the child take the second path. First, you should think about what in your communication with the child could affect the emergence of fear, and as much as you can change it. Then you just need to sympathetically listen to the child, ask how his fear looks when it appears, what he feels at the same time, whether he can cope with him at least temporarily and how. It’s nice to share your experience with a child, whether children or adults, of victory over fear. It is advisable that this conversation, not to the detriment of trust, be filled not with tragic meaning, but with good humor. Humor is generally a very powerful means of resistance to adversity. Try to compose a STRONGLY FUNNY HISTORY ABOUT FEAR together. Here, for example, what amusing “horror stories” the writer Grigory Oster invented.