Mom’s daughters, dad’s son
A lot of books have been written about parenting. Each of them has its own advantages and disadvantages, but there is something in common that combines almost all the popular parental aids. It would be more correct to say that these are books not about raising children, but about raising a child, because we are talking about him – the educated – always in the singular, as if without exception the families are one-child. But this is not the only “imbalance”. As a rule, they write about education, using only masculine words: since a child means OH. And it turns out that all the pedagogical recommendations are given to the parents of the only son. But what if the child is not the only one? It would seem that it’s easier – with the birth of the next child, to take and follow the principles that have already been learned. And the rules that apply to the upbringing of the boy can be applied to the girl, as we smear the scratches from one and the other with green from one bottle. Parents who raise both son and daughter, such a strategy is unlikely to suit. It is too obvious for them that heterosexual children require a different approach. Involuntarily there is a problem of preference, which adults themselves are keenly afraid and afraid to let children feel. In addition, the relationship of children associated with gender differences is very peculiar and requires special forms of parental participation. Despite the abundance of popular literature, useful tips on this topic cannot be found in it. So let’s try to figure out a similar family situation (today it’s very common) in order to at least partially fill this gap. Modern science has not yet reached such heights that the gender of a child can be planned in advance. And parents, barely learning about the upcoming addition of the family, are tormented by guesses for a long time: boy or girl? Relatives and friends often ask the question: “Who would you like?” The answers can be heard very different. However, according to the observations of psychologists, if the answers were absolutely sincere, then they would not differ in a wide variety. Of course, there are special situations dictated by some specific circumstances of the parents’ life experience. But overall, parental expectations are subject (often unconsciously) to a specific scenario. Each of us, regardless of religious beliefs, sees in his children the only real guarantee of his immortality. And do not let it sound like big words. Indeed, giving life to a child, we literally endow it with a particle of ourselves and see his life as an extension of ours. We strive to give him our experience so that he can multiply our achievements and avoid our mistakes. At the same time, what psychologists call identification, i.e. likening: we meticulously note our own features in the kid and heartily rejoice at his attempts to resemble us, adopt our ideas. It is clear that such kind of fatherly attitudes are naturally projected onto the son, and maternal ones onto the daughter. A man who does not yet have children, but declares that he would like to have a daughter, is most likely either not very sincere in front of others and even in front of himself, or he is a really rare exception, caused by some special circumstances. But in the vast majority of cases, in anticipation of the firstborn, a man involuntarily thinks about the birth of a son. A woman often adapts to this paternal attitude and, wishing to please her father, also declares that she would like to have a son. Nevertheless, her deepest expectations are unknowingly connected with her future daughter, the successor of her female being. The expectation of a second child is not associated with such stress, because the deep installations of one of the parents are already satisfied. And often both parents, for various reasons, sincerely wish that the second child was of a different sex than the first-born. This often happens. It would seem that universal satisfaction is guaranteed. However, this situation gives rise to many new problems, and the main one is the inequality of relations. Read also: we draw a family tree a two-year-old child sometimes walks on toes eating apples and yogurt kefir a month what kind of chocolate can children eat how to draw a family life tree It would be a mistake to conclude from all that has been said that fathers love sons more than mothers. It is more correct to say that the attitude of a parent to a child of the same sex is more demanding, more biased – even in the most positive sense of the word. Mother herself was a girl. She knows what it means to be a good girl (although she herself was hardly 100% herself). Therefore, her perception of her daughter is more colored by personal addiction. In the perception of her son, she relies on the abstract idea of a good boy, i.e. to a performance not personally felt, not experienced. Therefore, her attitude to her son in a certain sense is more objective (as far as this word is generally applicable to maternal feelings). The same applies to the father, just the opposite. In the practice of education, this translates into an implicit division of the family into couples.